I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
