i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
