I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My cat gives me a boner
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
