the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
honey bunches of taint.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
