I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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