I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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