he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
