I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
