no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
