I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
