We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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