38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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