Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
