Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
