wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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