Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
