So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
