is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your penis caused this!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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