went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
