Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
