over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
