I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
