You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
