I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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