I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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