it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
