I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
