tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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