Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
