i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
