How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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