My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
