tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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