I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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