You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
