i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
