If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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