I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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