oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My pussy is not your playground.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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