Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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