He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
