we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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