didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
