Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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