i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
