areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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