Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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