Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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