I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
