She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
