batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
