So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
